Failure

I have been wondering for a while as what do you define failure. If I desperately wanted something and I failed to achieve it should I call it as failure or I should take the failure in its stride and say I was able to achieve so much learning and would be better to not do the mistakes. Everyone in the world says that failure breeds success.
I want so say, failure breeds nothing maybe some desperation which is at is useless, what the world needs is more success. If i was able to get a really hot chick who is out of my league I know as a person what it takes to do that. Its the small success which takes us to the path of glory, if i had failed their I would max know what is the one thing that I should not do. In the infinitesimal universe that we have it hardly matters as what you don't know, what matters is what you know.
The piece of advice I can give is that surround yourself with successful people, maybe you will feel really bad with your nihilism but in the end you will know what it takes to succeed
And that friend is the biggest lesson learnt ever!!!

Things in my head

I am going through my phases of insomnia again. This time there is nothing which I can point to, there is no anger, no revenge. Yet, I feel incomplete, I am somewhere but not where I belong. Things eating my head in order of importance.

Time
Time as a concept is so basic and yet it is so undefined. Its so fuzzy. Time was made so that we could feel finite, we could have a concept of beginning and an end. Time is what make us mortal. Imagine looking at your life from the view of a housefly. You are an immortal god for it. You are an immortal food factory with an infinite amount of food. You are like cibola, no you are more. You are for them heaven.
If I start to ponder deeply, I realize that time is a human construct. Time enables us to put checkpoints in our life's. Time is what gives us our importance, time makes us great. But sadly, greatness is not defined by comparing against your own creations. We as a society have lost the will to achieve more. We are happy in our world and yet we only wonder for what lies outside. To know it you have to let go.
If someone has an answer to this question, "How did people live without time?", please do let me know.

Purpose of life
I have always proclaimed to believe that life has no purpose, we are mere nothings doing something which we called life, which is actually nothing for the greater thing. But deep down, I have hoped there is some purpose, some greater motive of which maybe I can be a part of. These tales of an imaginary mind have caught me also. I get that there is no greater calling, no after life, no consequences only actions. Then I wonder what is life, what i define as life could maybe not be life for someone else. I wonder if real is really real. You lose an idea of real, when you know whatever you see can be altered to any other view just by a flick of your mind. Maybe I am someones simulation. I write decent code but what if I am also a type of code?

Why bother
Then why do I even bother about this, is thinking so much not really worth it. Living or whatever it is might be losing its purpose if I think so much. But I really can't un-think all that I have thought or make unseen the moments I have witnessed. Maybe there is a purpose, maybe there is actually time and maybe all of us are real. I just hope its all true and everything that seems to be is connected.

Hope there are answers someday.